Reflecting Back

Morgan had bloodwork done on Friday to see how well her body is responding to the Neupogen injections.  In spite of getting poked twice, she did a great job!  I think she is getting used to all the blood draws.  We got a call from the hematologist Friday evening.  Dr. Grayson said he “was very happy to say that her neutrophil level is 1580 and her overall white blood count is 9000.”  We were ecstatic to hear that especially since it was 0 a couple weeks prior.  This is exactly where he wants her neutrophil level and so we are going to stick to the same dosage for now.  She will do blood tests weekly as we watch what her levels are doing.  Hopefully in a couple more weeks , we can start having playdates again. 

This whole process has been somewhat isolating.  We haven’t been to church regularly in the last year because Morgan was getting sick every time she went to the nursery.  This is a stark contrast to my life when I was pregnant since I worked full-time at our church.  Also, we haven’t had playdates with friends in a couple months.   I think God has done that partly to force me to draw closer to Him.  I’m just sorry that my little extrovert can’t see her friends these days.   I look back and know now why I didn’t feel comfortable taking her certain places or why I have been obsessive about germs.  That’s the kind of mother Morgan needed and God is so faithful to speak to us through our “motherly instincts”.   It’s nice to now understand why she was always getting sick and that I wasn’t just an “overprotective first time mom” as someone told me.  I can even see how the milk allergy and reflux played into this because I think it was good preparation for the three of us.  Now, that I look back, I can say to God, “Oh, I get it now.”  My heart longs to serve Him in some capacity but I understand now why God has wanted me to focus all my time and energy on Morgan.  God is doing some exciting things and He has some really big plans for my little girl!


Morgan has had more energy than ever.  Her favorite activity is chasing the dogs with her lawnmower.  She starts laughing so hard she can't stand up straight.  Today she put on one of her shoes by herself and decided to walk around with one shoe on for a while.  I found out I have some thyroid issues last week, so hopefully the medicine kicks in and I can have more energy to keep up with her.  She says several words but also has her own language too.  We tell her "I love you" often and Morgan says I love you by saying "AYY-yah".  It's pretty funny and there is no doubt that is what she means.  She has also started to sleep a lot less and her nap has now moved to 3pm instead of noon.  She seems much more contented now that she feels better.

From 6 past blood draws from her old pediatrician, I calculated the ANC’s.  In August of 2011, she had an ANC  of 2500 which is outstanding.  Then, it kind of goes downhill from there.  I think she has had this since at least October of last year.  If that is the case, she has already had it 8 months.  So, I am starting to pray that Morgan goes into remission early.  I guess we would know by the weekly blood draw counts and another antibody test when the time comes.  I have tried to network with other moms of kids with Autoimmune Neutropenia.  There are about 14 active AIN moms on a Babycenter board I found and 3 of them have kids with anc’s low enough to be on Neupogen regularly.  Hopefully, I hear back from them as I have questions like “Will she get sick as often as she did before or will it just not be as severe or both?”  I guess I am interested to see what our new “normal” will be in a few weeks.   God has brought us a long way in a short time period and I’m sure He will continue to do the same.

During the past month, I don’t think I have ever heard the Lord speak more clearly to me.  It has been amazing how God has communicated to me very specifically through His Word. During the week we were waiting for her diagnosis, I literally felt as though God had a protective spotlight of his love and peace on me at all times.  I’ve spent years in seminary classes but I have learned more about His character in the last few weeks than any time in my life.  I could spatter off a whole plethora of verses that God has emphasized to me but the ones that are heaviest on my heart right now are 2 Cor. 4:16-18. “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”